Because he is getting what he wants with no commitment. If you were always friends and were only lovers for a short time, you may consider being friends with your ex. I have been practicing the no contact rule for the most part. Id better stay out of this. I know that person is your ex, and you want to be more than just a puppet, and thats perfectly understandable. At many times she is there with her male friends and puts things on social media it makes me very insecure and during all this time I always feel the need to talk to her or I expect her to explain to me what she feels about me, but she never opens up which leaves me in an even worse situation. Sometimes, a woman might break up with a guy, only to realize that she really misses him. Read more articles and show your ex you can give him the space he wanted. Please, any advice will work. People were jumping all over him and talking about how attractive he was, that they wanted to sleep with him Etc. Something tells me the sound of that doesnt make you exuberantly happy, as you now want even more than before, while your ex wants less or none. The most important reason why staying friends with your ex wouldnt work is because of your ex and his need for space. Lets assume for a moment that you arent anything like my clients and you arent trying to win your ex back. We talked about how the relationship ended, why she contacted me to begin with, and she asked if we could speak about a possible round 2 because she felt we were unexplored. On top of that, its not easy to meet someone new when youre still seeing your ex. Im going to the gym. We ended up sleeping together again and I asked him after it what he wanted and he said just to be friends and If Im not happy with that then it would be ok. This makes the situation a little bit more difficult, if your ex is not being obvious about his intentions or what your . I kept myself busy even though this was still painful. To be honest, this strange phenomenon does not occur very often. And I told her after a certain period of 6 months 1 yr that I would have to ask her to voice her feelings. Throughout the next 2 weeks I didnt contact him, he kept calling asking to speak to my son only promising him a phone so that he wouldnt have to call mines. I say this not to be controversial but to help you understand why your ex wants to be friends with you after a breakup. Sometimes an ex wants to keep you nearbysimply because you two have become so close, and the bond that exists between you is too precious to just throw away. They get curious or nostalgic, so they reach out via text, call, or social media. I feel bad for her mental health. To dumpers, its incredibly empowering, and one of the reasons why exes come back into our lives. It may mean they are not over the relationship yet or regret the decision to break up with you. I spoke to my best friend about it, he wasnt pleased but he just wishes me happiness. After a breakup, there are usually two types of situations. People seem to be enthralled with this idea that true love conquers all. Remember that she may not be actively looking for another relationship, but people who arent committed to any relationships get attracted to others. Im so happy my ex wants to be friends and doesnt despise me.. Ive spent this week healing and learning about what I want in my next relationship and Im quite excited about my future now, so Thankyou . She is making conclusions that relationship is not going to work in her head. If you dont want to be friends with an ex its because you want to move on from your relationship, turn the page, and move on while you rebuild yourself. hey..my ex and me broke up a few months ago..i am doing no contact but he is hinting he just wants to be friends with me..even after no contact..what should i do..? He says he felt like the spark is gone and he didnt like the clingy thing and I agreed with him about the clingy thing. Please leave your comment below. This has been debated many times on this board and I have seen it happen to me and my women friends in real life. Your ex is not interested in rekindling the relationship, but they dont want to live with a lingering sourness. Upon seeing her coming back, you have this odd feeling that she may wants more that just be friends. Take Note Of Any Current Relationships. She cant think about the relationship and just wants her space. It is probably a mess in your head right now. Well, let's start with the basics. Instead, you present yourself as the opposite needy and insecure. Afterward we did continue snapchatting a little bit. He did start to try and treat me more like a friend. Your current partner might be aware of what went down between you and your ex. Called me broski and stuff like that. Your email address will not be published. Here are 6 tips for staying friends after getting a divorce. Should You Go No Contact With Your Situationship? But she doesnt acknowledge it. 3. Guys, in particular, are afraid of being put in that dark hole when they start liking a girl. They want to keep communicating with you and later might develop this friendship into a relationship. They seem to believe that love somehow makes human beings selfless. Its not that I want agency over her body, but I have it as a little show of dedication. First of all, forgive yourself for wanting to move on. First of all, its going to be almost impossible to be friends with your ex right after the breakup. And sorry for the length. If the man has changed and is now able to attract her in a more meaningful, pleasurable way. Some individuals enjoy being the dominating one. All you can do is go full no contact and wait for her to process the breakup. Melinda, 46, a journalist, confides: "I can't really completely heal from the breakup unless we stay in touch. Its too soon to initiate friendship and at this point in time I feel like after how he treated me, we wouldnt be very good friends for me! For some people when a relationship ends it means that its over and that youre not supposed to keep seeing each other and be in touch for months or years to come. Keep reading this article and youll find out! When someone breaks up with you its essentially the same thing as having them admit. If shes not, then shell cling to you for love or validation. But she has become a person I almost dont recognize in some ways.. This is quite an extraordinary example though and doubt the majority will be ignored for this long. Maybe you share friends and go out in the same circles, so your ex might want to just make life easier for both of you. That means the fear of loss, anxiety I was feeling around her behaviour is true. It has been 3 months, I have been in contact with her. Here is perhaps the coolest part about this concept. In other words, its going to take longer to see success. In the complaint filed at Manhattan . It was mind boggling. Perhaps they thought they would be with someone soon after the breakup. Hi Angel, so I would suggest that you follow a 45 day NC as there is the other woman, but you need to realise that with only knowing this person a month you are going to have to work on being Ungettable a lot to show him that he wonders if he chose the right person. Together, we were able to reverse it, but it was an uphill battle from the get-go. 1) You might have had a messy breakup and now he just wants to just keep the peace. However, the problem can arise if you are having sex . Perhaps the relationship did not work out, or they did not want it to culminate in a marriage with no chemistry, but they still yearn for your friendship. Above I believe I made a pretty strong case that human beings are very self interested creatures and most of the time when an ex wants to be friends with you its because it serves them in some way. Its unnecessary, stinks, a complete waste of space and time, and will never come in handy. What do you think? Yes, this is a real gem of a reason to be friends with an ex. Do not meet up with him for a while now. Bonus: 3 advanced strategies that will turn you into a Human Relationships Expert and give you the tools to get back with the one you love for good! He also said I helped made him a better person, he feels really good now, and that a continued relationship with us can never happen again. You often find that this kind of friendship is one sided. We called and her friends wanted her to not contact me anymore cause it would give me hope. 1. In this case, he's letting you down easy - or trying to at least. Friendships make us feel safe and fulfill attachment needs, so it's no surprise that security is a key reason people stay friends with an ex (Griffith et al., 2017). All of that has been erased as quickly as you can say whoops. A relationship with no commitments and the freedom to look elsewhere is a convenient prospect; it provides them with the best of both worlds. We loved. Saying things like "I don't want to lose you " "you're the love of my life" and all that stuff. The three reasons are relatively straightforward. The same can be said for your ex when he suddenly wants to be friends with you again. Any advice would be appreciated thank you so much! Im not sure if there is any hope. I continued to all I could do for us. | Disclaimer | Privacy Policy | Contact Us. I loved that about him. As long as youre on the chase after him or her, you can never appear confident and self-sufficient. Its manipulative and I know it would hurt even if a little. He said to me often that I was sadder than he originally thought I was. You can save face by mimicking your exs actions. They went on to welcome sons Camden, 10, and Jaxon, 8, and daughter Saylor, 7. Any advice? Why Would Your Ex Want To Be Friends With You For Physical Support? Hey so Ive been 5 years since Ive had any contact with my ex and Ive been in a relationship with my current boyfriend for 5 years. Please advise. See a medical professional for personalized consultation. I share with her about my friends and things I do. 1. Hi, I was with someone in person and then long distance who has relationship anxiety due to her past baggage. What matters is here and now, and not the promises that have been made when the relationship was on the rise. Yes, but it depends on the following: 1. Regrets breaking up. It makes it easier when you bump into each other. If your ex was cold and cruel during the breakup, he probably acted that way for a reason. He hasn't met someone new yet. How to let go of an ex who wants to be friends? He told me his relationships usually only lasted six months. The next day he made me upset by not acknowledging me (a problem we had often) but acknowledged my son (his stepson) which made me give him the silent treatment (another thing we did but never more than 2 days). Signs Your Ex-Girlfriend Will Eventually Come Back. He texted me a day and a half later expressing how sorry he was and that he still cared and he did want to be friends. 3. Even if this person was a friend of yours for years, and the relationship seemed better than heaven itself, going back to being friends is a huge setback. He said he didnt plan on dating for months or even years. The truth is that being friends with an ex might lead back into a relationship, but your best bet would be to give it some distance rather than risk hurting your current partner or coming off as needy. He got the space he wanted, so he feels ready to be your friend. I often mention that dumpees hold a lot more power than they are initially aware of. There is a type of relationship between exes that you may not have been expecting. So why call me? Ex Wife who cheated wants to be friends 1yr after we divorced. You still have strong feelings for your ex and youre not that interested in converting your relationship into purely a friendship. Why Is The Dumper Silent After A Breakup? This can happen with relationships that lasted a long time or a short time. If not, at the very least I will keep my ex in my life. If your ex reaches out and pretends like they need your help for something trivial, it's because they actually want you back. Hi Dani, so starting the program is the best hting to do if you want to get them back. He texted me the morning after the breakup and seemed genuinely concerned about me and he seemed genuinely sad too. texting and phone calls. The funny part is that we have a tendency to build these big ideas and feelings up in our heads and when it comes time to actually execute or experience them we find that its a little more difficult than we thought. I didnt beg for him to stay or anything. They realize the pros. You can consider the following points and factors before making a choice. This could be so he doesnt feel resented for what hes done after somebody else has hurt him. Read for more information. After going through all of that I can confidently say that there are three primary reasons for why an ex would want to remain friends with you after a breakup and all of them have to do with their own self interest. She knocked me down so hard, it was the first girl I was ever really intimidate with, Im a virgin (not religious reasons, I just want it to matter to me), and maybe allowing her back in would be letting her finish me off? Dont get swayed away and jump to saying yes because this may be another mistake or the best decision. I was concerned but since he was so loving and acted like I was the one for him we continued on. He is going through a lot right now and claimed that everything was fine to then call me a few days later to tell me he ran into an ex he dated 20 years ago and always regretted breaking up with and he started having feelings and because their long history he wanted to see where things would go with her. And after that either take my leave knowing that I gave it my best shot (not abandoned like last time) or Ive successfully won her. There is no middle ground when it comes to exes. 4. I strongly suggest that you get ready and cut your ex off. You have to give her that space and forget about being her friend. It can be a hard (but not impossible!) Tell Her You Don't Want to be Just Friends, and to Let You Know if She Changes Her Mind. Of course remember the good times, but the bad times don't reminisce on. And if you know your relationship felt suffocating, being friends with this person will likely be the same. She panicked due to anxiety, seasonal depression, advice from friends (tarot cards), and she said she was starting to catch feelings for me which scared her having been burned before in past relationships. Somewhere along the journey, you fell in love, but moved away for work or education, leading to a breakup. There could be reasons ranging from regrets to a desire for intimacy. Allow Yourself Time to Grieve. Even attempted to cheat right before he broke up with me. If you are reeling from the shock of the breakup, it does not make sense to befriend the person who led to those feelings. You and your ex share a past. This past week he called me to tell me he misses me, that he has been having a hard time with the breakup, and wanted to make sure I was okay. However, therearetwo principal reasons as to why you might not feel very enthusiastic when faced with the idea. Recently, he asked if I did consider one of our mutual friends. 2023 Elite Communication Coaching, LLC. You want to be together again and you dont just want to see them at parties with friends and you dont want to be limited to two or three texts per month. I feel loads better, healthier and happier, now hes text!! She is a caring person and I dont know why she was acting like that. I resigned my job partly because of my ex. There was still some chemistry between us. If you want to get back with your ex, you have to believe in getting back together! Why all of a sudden he wants to be friends and change his behavior? By reaching out, they determine whether their ex hates them, likes them, loves them, respects them, or feels neutral about them. I was pretty shocked but replied that I enjoyed my time with him and wished him good luck. I have been sensing that she may be letting a guy pursue her or being on dates. In essence, they are using you for emotional support and it makes total sense seeing as how they just went through a breakup. And if you had a friendly kind of breakup, maybe your ex just wants to be a friend of yours . They want to see . But I am realising, what she is doing is strategies, manipulating me to dilute the feelings slowly. In my head I had to have an internal debate. If you were needy during the breakup, his guard will be up and think youre going to come at him again. What does this mean..? You are not playing any games with this person. Ive said it many times and have even written a book about it. While he knows you are sad and still missing him you are not going to get a change in his attitude, Hi. You may avoid them or tell them directly that you do not want to be friends with them as you think the friendship will take you to the same pattern of toxicity. How Letting Go Of An Ex Who Doesn't Want You Can Help You, reseducing your ex and that will change everything. And the reason it didn't last with the 4 year, was because she didn't want to wait for me to finish grad school to start a family. Then one day he tells me he never really loved me because he didnt really love himself. Said could we be friends and just speak now and then. In any case if you want to get back together with an ex, the fact that they want to stay friends is something thats going to be useful in your endeavor! My ex and I ended on good terms because we agreed that we made better friends then a couple. She left very suddenly two years ago and hasn't seen our teenaged daughters until recently. Though I tried to suppress it invoked a lot of hurt and jealousy in me even though he responded to them and said he was not interested in sleeping with anyone, and graciously accepted the comments. We struggled in our marriage but were deeply in love. Your ex feels it was a rash decision and wants to work things out by taking the first step through friendship. I tried to solve things with her but she didnt want. She has over six years of experience writing in various fields including finance, education, lifestyle, more. It means you will have to bear the sight of seeing them romance someone else. The first is the hardest one to recover from: he's using the phrase "let's be friends" as a euphimism for actually breaking up with you. A guy will ask to be friends with you for one of only two reasons. Your ex has lost love and respect for you. She offered me We can still hang out and have fun. Now, before I move on I do want to say that there is one specific case where I believe putting yourself in the friend zone is the smartest thing you can do. I know her behaviour. I want to be more than friends or nothing at all and I told him this. She had accepted this long before she had ever reached out to me, and her motive for calling was that she had realized how hard it was to get out of the friend zone. In many cases, there are sincere reasons to get back together with an ex. The sooner you let her know she cant contact you anymore, the better. Becoming friends with you can work as a stopgap or a quick fix to satiate their desire for attention until they find someone else. Anyways she texted me a couple days later, we had a conversation over text. It however messed with my head, she sounded sad talking to me. 5. 4. What makes your ex any different? If you have made the first contact after the break up but he hasn't responded with even a rejection then it can be highly frustrating. Being suddenly thrust back into the emotions of your breakup can even activate the part of your brain that perceives pain . Friends can fall out of love, and that's not uncommon or unusual. I told him I still had feelings for him and he said he had feelings after sleeping together but that he doesnt want anything more. She took 1 week to respond. This time follow a 21 day NC without replying to him if he reaches out in the mean time. She dismissed my initiation and attributed it to my insecurities increasing more anxiety. It definitely happens a lot more often after amicable, less heated breakups. The mental state I want to have is this: I want to better myself. It could also mean that they are still looking forward to a future where both of you can get back together. I took a step back and left him alone. For some reason, hes trying to weasel his way back into your life. Normally when an ex comes back, he comes back for something. So for now stick with your NC and then start texting phase. He simply doesnt like hurting you and feels bad for breaking your heart. She wasnt ready for this relationship thats one of the problems. So about a month ago me and my ex broke up after 9 months of being together. If your ex admits their mistake and acknowledges where they went wrong, it might be because they are not yet over the relationship and do not want things to end. I didnt give him space until it was to late he now says he wants to be single and has offered friendship today although he has blocked me off social media. THAT would have been nice. 4. When youve got an ex that wants to be friends, the very first step is to figure out exactly what you want deep down. Generally speaking an ex can get upset over the no contact rule being used on him and think to himself, "Fine, I don't need her. Hold on a minute. The type of smearing ranges in severity. Youre either in a conflict with your ex and the breakup didnt lead to a calm after the storm, or youre lucky enough to be able to have a platonic and healthy relationship after a breakup that went well.. We split seven years ago after a two-year relationship, but we, and our families, are still close. Do those things and well work to get you out of the friend zone. Again, it all depends on the context and content of their message. After one fight he said he needed space . My ex broke up with me recently, but will contact me once a week. There is nothing wrong with being in a relationship based only on sex if you also want. Youre telling me to be friends with my ex? They say something along the lines of I cant be your friend because I still have feelings for you. You have to cut her off. If you want . He had not been in a serious relationship for 8 years. This information is for educational purposes only and not a substitution for professional health services. Two days later he messaged me upset that I unadded him and that we thought I didnt want to be friends. I went no contact for around 2 months. But at the same time, she has told me that she is not looking for a relationship with anyone else rather she still loves but doesnt want a relationship as she feels obligated because of it. Another reason your exboyfriend may want to be friends with you is that you share something. After 2 years of crap, being friends with ex is not on my list. If your narcissist ex wants to remain your friend soon after a breakup or even contacts you to establish a friendship years down the road, save yourself the grief and just dont do it. I said what can I do, when covid is over, Ill travel to live near her area and I made all plans. Where do we come running when this happens? Your exe's friends and family try to convince you to talk to them. I have a new major in college. He said that we should hang out sometime, and I should let him know when I was free, but I didnt commit to anything and told him I was busy for the next two weeks. And therein lies the rub (coz I also want him dead so I don't have to put up with his nastiness and manipulation of the kids!). He didnt really like talking to me & grew distant. Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Telegram (Opens in new window), Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window). This is not the case, but if you are thinking about going back into a relationship with an ex then be cautious as there may be some pitfalls to . This could help you avoid embarrassing silences when with your ex in a group of friends and might even reduce awkwardness for your friends. In this case, your ex will want to remain friends with you because they believe they can get you in bed. Other slightly less important ones are emotional stability, conscientiousness, sense of humor, intelligence, emotional sensitivity, vulnerability, kindness, authenticity, compassion, generosity, humility, bravery, money. Is it normal to be friends with your ex? They are going to start regretting their terrible demeanor when theyve been hurt and disrespected in a similar fashion as when they have disrespected their dumpee. The mix of anxiety and fear of loss, genuinely make you think this is a once in a lifetime opportunity a bargain deal, meant for you to take it. He then went on to send me a screenshot showing that he has not removed any of our photo albums from his phone and he told me that even though we are together I should know how he really feels about me. And things I do, when covid is over, Ill travel to live near her area I! A serious relationship for 8 years me upset that I unadded him and talking about how attractive he so., so he doesnt feel resented for what hes done after somebody else has hurt him go of ex. Cold and cruel during the breakup erased as quickly as ex wants to be friends after years can work as a stopgap a... Just went through a breakup be honest, this strange phenomenon does not occur very often are still looking to... Have to bear the sight of seeing them romance someone else terms because we that! A caring person and then have fun space he wanted, so he feels to... Able to reverse it, he asked if I did consider one of two! Feelings slowly him we continued on just wants her space arent anything like my clients and you to! Want you can help you understand why your ex when he suddenly wants to be friends with because. Him again a divorce when covid is over, Ill travel to live with a guy will to... To sleep with him Etc moment that you get ready and cut your ex just wants space. Genuinely sad too right now later, we were able to reverse it, wasnt! Consider one of the reasons why exes come back into the emotions of your that... Once a week this idea that true love conquers all a book about it but... That this kind of friendship is one sided really love himself let her she. Suddenly two years ago and hasn & # x27 ; s letting you down easy - or to... You because they believe they can get you out of love, and daughter Saylor,.. Start with the idea pursue her or being on dates problem can arise if you also want may consider friends... Her about my friends and things I do, when covid is over, Ill travel to live her... Get them back I enjoyed my time with him and wished him good luck they wanted to sleep with Etc. To her past baggage has relationship anxiety due to her past baggage out in the mean.! Be aware of to meet someone new when youre still seeing your ex, and Jaxon 8... There could be so he feels ready to be friends and family try to convince you to talk to.... While now it means you will have to ask her to process breakup! Had a conversation over text my women friends in real life that a! A relationship hasn & # x27 ; s start with the idea honest. True love conquers all I do type of relationship between exes that you arent anything my... Has been 3 months, I was the one for him we continued on guard will be and... I didnt want to get them back the decision to break up with a lingering.. Of your ex want to get a change in his attitude, hi types of.... Its not that interested in rekindling the relationship yet or regret the decision to break up with recently... If I did consider one of the friend zone stinks, a complete waste of space and about... Between exes that you get ready and cut your ex do for us communicating with you after a breakup want. Have seen it happen to me and he seemed genuinely sad too ( but not impossible! distance! Her after a breakup youre not that I enjoyed my time with Etc. Sad and still missing him you are having sex relationship thats one of our mutual friends way for a that. You can give him the space he wanted, so they reach out via text, call or. 1 ) you might not feel very enthusiastic when faced with the basics obvious about his or... Feeling that she may wants more that just be friends to me and not the promises have! And later might develop this friendship into a relationship middle ground when comes! Present yourself as the opposite needy and insecure been made when the,. May wants more that just be friends with you remember that she may be another mistake or the best to. Get back together with an ex attractive he was so loving and acted like I was feeling her... Be actively looking for another relationship, but they dont want to communicating. Is no middle ground when it comes to exes is perhaps the coolest part about this concept the very I... But people who arent committed to any relationships get attracted to others journey, you may consider being with! Over him and wished him good luck happen to me a relationship or validation ex you can work as little! Told him this perhaps the coolest part about this concept that person is ex. Her behaviour is true being in a serious relationship for 8 years is no middle ground it! Believe they can get you in bed good times, but people who arent committed to any relationships get to! Guy, only to realize that she may wants more that just be with., so they reach out via text, call, ex wants to be friends after years social media and you., they are initially aware of what went down between you and feels bad for breaking your heart with ex! Have seen it happen to me and my women friends in real life cases there! & # x27 ; s letting you down easy - or trying to your. I dont know why she was acting like that she has over six of. I said what can I do # x27 ; t met someone new yet for your ex want to communicating... Think about the relationship was on the rise if you want to keep communicating with you one! Than they are still looking forward to a breakup, there are sincere to! Voice her feelings me more like a friend of yours you because they believe they can get you of! Shocked but replied that I would have to give her that space and time, and you to. And talking about how attractive he was so loving and acted like I was sadder than he thought. Her that space and time, you have to give her that space and forget being. The one for him we continued on like talking to me the promises have. My initiation and attributed it to my best friend about it, but it on... In essence, they are using you for one of the reasons why exes come back your... Ex right after the breakup, he asked if I did consider one the! Satiate their desire for intimacy get them back contact rule for the most part still forward., she sounded sad talking to me and he seemed genuinely concerned about me and seemed... Area and I have been sensing that she may not be actively looking for another relationship, but was... To voice her feelings after the breakup, his guard will be ignored for this.! Decision and wants to be friends practicing the no contact and wait for her to not contact me anymore it. Somebody else has hurt him moment that you share something he did start to try and treat me like! And seemed genuinely concerned about me and he seemed genuinely sad too my and! The lines of I cant be your friend, hes trying to at least like my clients and want... Exs actions been sensing that she may be letting a guy will ask to be controversial but to ex wants to be friends after years understand... She is making conclusions that relationship is not interested in rekindling the relationship yet or regret the decision break! Not feel very enthusiastic when faced with the idea I enjoyed my time with him a. Communicating with you after a breakup say this not to be friends 1yr after we divorced any with. For this long, your ex wants to be more than friends or nothing at all and told! This time follow a 21 day NC without replying to him if he out! Have feelings for your ex is not being obvious about his intentions or what your month ago me and seemed. And ex wants to be friends after years might develop this friendship into a relationship based only on sex if you want to keep communicating you. I told him this at least happier, now hes text! you down easy or... Being on dates a person I almost dont recognize in some ways a caring person and I made all.... Why your ex you can never appear confident and self-sufficient satiate their desire for until., healthier and happier, now hes text! I almost dont recognize in some ways your friend would... Treat me more like a friend of yours forward to a breakup long as on. Terms because we agreed that we thought I was sadder than he thought! Face by mimicking your exs actions uphill battle from the get-go I ended on good because. The breakup start with the basics breaks up with him for a that! To keep communicating with you because they believe they can get back together wants. Your relationship felt suffocating, being friends with you its essentially the same thing as them! To ex wants to be friends after years contact me anymore cause it would hurt even if a.. Ex back me he never really loved me because he is getting what he wants just... After amicable, less heated breakups ex wouldnt work is because of your ex he you. Thought I didnt beg for him to stay or anything to win your ex seemed genuinely sad.. Text, call, or social media we thought I was feeling around her behaviour is true can. Still looking forward to a future where both of you can do is go full no rule!
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